


Still Into You

by Saintminseok



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Memories, Yoon Jeonghan is a Little Shit, chan is precious, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28904550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saintminseok/pseuds/Saintminseok
Summary: 7 years of memories, 1 accident and a broken couple."What did I ever do to deserve this?" Seungcheol thinks as he looks at the sleeping Jeonghan in the hospital.7 years full of memories, wiped out as if they never existed.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 38





	Still Into You

**Author's Note:**

> Started it as a joke ages ago, now it's finally out to the world.

7 years full of memories, wiped out as if they never existed.

He wakes up in a white room, everything is still blurry for him, there are two figures in front of him, one of them softly calling his name.

"Jeonghan" the taller of them says. "Good morning."

"I'm glad you woke up." Says the other with a smile, _beautiful_. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm a bit dizzy, doctor."

_Doc - tor ?_

The panic was clearly showing on the dark haired man's face. "Jeonghan, i'm not a-" He is interrupted by someone else, way shorter than the man with a beautiful smile, getting in the room.

"Seungcheol? I heard Jeonghan woke up-" he stops middle sentence, looks at him and smiles. "You scared us."

And jeonghan, although not being able to talk much as he still didn't have any water, asks the question.

"Who... are you?"

"What?"

  
  


Said Seungcheol sits down on a chair in the doctor's office, hearing all the shit about how his boyfriend of 7 years got his memories wiped out because of the accident. Thus he doesn't remember anything that happened during the past 7 years.

"But he'll remember, right?" The shorter man asks on his behalf, he’s hopeful. There is no way for Jeonghan to forget about him, _right_?

"We don't really know. Jeonghan may be able to get his memories back with help." The doctor says.

"But?" And there's a faint “ _jihoon_ ” coming out of Seungcheol's mouth. "I'm sensing a bit," he declares without paying attention to his friend.

"But-" and it's just the way Jihoon has predicted, "But there is always a chance he doesn't. I'm sorry."

The doctor looks and feels sorry, there is nothing he can do to trigger the other’s memory, and the brain is already a difficult organ.

Seungcheol is confused but determined, he knows his love for years wouldn’t just vanish like that, over night. He’ll help Jeonghan remember all of them, all the memories, good and bad. 

He _has_ to remember.

  
  
  


It takes some time but Jeonghan gets to know that he and Seungcheol dated for 7 years, yet his memory has stopped at him breaking up with his ex, in his 2nd year of College. 

Nothing about Seungcheol is familiar to him. 

"This is too much to take in," he lets out one day, still laying down his hospital bed, without sparing a glance to the other man.

And Seungcheol understands. He smiles sadly. "You'll remember eventually."

Trying to get close to Jeonghan again seems to be an almost impossible mission. He somehow hates everything they tell him, is a lot closeted than he's ever been. He refuses any kind of skinship, doesn't even want to look at their pictures (him and his group of friends) together, and although Seungcheol doesn't want to admit it, he feels that Jeonghan doesn't want him close.

But it's only been few weeks. Seungcheol wouldn't give up that early.

  
  


When the younger one is finally allowed to leave the hospital, Seungcheol takes him to their shared small apartment..

"Again, why do we live together?"

Had Seungcheol not been the patient type, he would've already pulled his hair, but Jihoon, who wasn't patient at all, cracked. "For fuck's sake," he lets out.

The black haired man only breathes. "Baby, we talked about this before." He walks to the kitchen and pours himself a cup of water. He needs it. "We've been living together for all these 7 years and we're about to move out, soon, if you get better."

"Wait wait." _Moving out?_ That was new information that they somehow failed to tell him.

"You guys have been house-hunting for months. And you finally found a good one, a bigger apartment." The shorter one explains from where he's sitting on the couch.

It's almost suffocating, the tension is real between Jihoon and Jeonghan, yet Seungcheol remains oblivious to it, just excited that his boyfriend is back although not fully recovered but back nonetheless.

It'll take few months, the doctor said, and he believes it. 

He believes there is no way for Jeonghan to completely forget about him. He knew he can't live without the other being part of his life. Where would Jeonghan even go? He had no other family, they were each other's family.

He didn't know what the future was hiding from him, but was ready to fight his way back into the younger's heart.

Jeonghan slowly gets better, starts walking on his own, can leave to the grocery store alone and Seungcheol is proud of him. He feels like taking care of a baby.

Talking about babies-

"Jihoon, I forgot to visit Chan." He sighs.

"I know, I went to him, we talked."

"Did he ask-" of course he would, an eight years old kid who's been promised adoption for months now, that they've been visiting in the orphanage for four years and bonding with. He'd definitely ask about the other, especially since Jeonghan was the one who wanted him the most.

"I told him you're a bit busy with Jeonghan, especially while he's still not able to remember."

"Do you think...I made the right choice?" He asks, "About telling Chan the truth. I panicked and didn't know what to do. But lying to him would've been a bad start right?"

Chan was now an issue. The young boy had hopes, out of the two, Jeonghan was his favorite, the one who got close to him first, the one who wanted him. Seungcheol eventually got close to the child but now with Jeonghan’s situation, everything was crumbling.

What made it worse was Jeonghan rejecting everything, from watching movies, to looking at pictures to even the smallest interaction between them, the answer to Seungcheol was always a _No_.

"Oh my god, do you ever stop?"

And this is how Seungcheol has spent his days, between work and a grumpy Jeonghan that liked literally nothing. It was still a mystery to him what the long haired man did in his free hours, but he was too exhausted to actually wonder. Jeonghan probably just walked around.

  
  
  


The older leaves work early today, being happy about seeing his boyfriend, hoping for a miracle that’ll put him in a good mood today.

As soon as his car stops at the red light, Seungcheol finds himself peeping at the café on his left, only to stop breathing for a second.

He sees Jeonghan, with someone else, someone he doesn't know. But the younger is laughing brightly, throwing his head back and even almost falling from his chair. He hasn't seen him this way since before the accident, months ago. The dark haired man missed it.

Then both of them turn to him, and Cheol is suddenly brought back to reality. The light is green and he was supposed to move, other cars around him getting impatient, attracting attention more than he wanted.

He drives back home.

  
  
Back in the cafe, the young man looks back to jeonghan. "Was that him?"

"Don't mind him." Answers Jeonghan, rolling his eyes. "I'm tired of him acting as if I'm a baby who'll break at any time."

"More like a ticking bomb who'll explode any moment." Chuckles the other.

"You're starting to talk like Jihoon." He says as if it's a disease.

"Maybe he's just making sure his best friend is alright? I don't know Jeonghan, you're giving the man a hard time and all he wants is for your memories to come back."

"Let's talk about something else." He cuts him as he immediately starts talking about how awful coffee tastes and how people who love it have horrible taste buds. 

  
  


It takes 2 more hours for Jeonghan to go back home, he finds Seungcheol preparing dinner.

"You're back."

They eat in silence. Jeonghan knows he wants to ask but when will he.

"You're not going to ask me?" He asks instead, because he's too impatient, and why not deal with it right now before going to sleep?

"I thought you'd be the one who wants to talk about it." And there comes another smile of the oh-so-loving Seungcheol. And for some reason it makes Jeonghan angry. "But you probably wouldn't,” he adds.

They leave it at that, Seungcheol wondering what’s going on, and Jeonghan having no idea how to deal with the situation in hand, he expected screaming maybe, or at least a bunch of questions yet was met with none.

  
  


The days fly by and Seungcheol gets to meet the handsome stranger that Jeonghan sees everyday now. Jisoo is his name.

Seungcheol almost doesn't like him, almost. Except he doesn't. Jisoo is a nice guy.

He apologizes to Seungcheol when Jeonghan goes to the toilet for few minutes, explaining how he knew about the hard time Jeonghan was giving him, and that if Seungcheol needed a friend to hear him out, he was there. 

Of course, Seungcheol would never go to him, he had Jihoon for that, yet he smiles and nods.

They end up meeting more often, Seungcheol having to pick up Jeonghan many times.

Until one day.

"Jeonghan, we'll move out next week."

"Actually, I'm about to move in with Jisoo"

"What?" That was absolutely not what he expected. Their plans for years were about to fall down at the moment.

"Jisoo," he repeats as if the older didn't hear him the first time. "We talked about it."

"Jeonghan, you've only known him for 2 months"

2 months only and this close. Seungcheol still didn't understand what was going on and why. Why would his boyfriend want to go live with a complete stranger instead of him. It made no sense.

"And apparently I moved in with you 5 months after knowing you." The long haired man adds accusingly. 

"But we're dating." And Seungcheol almost misses the "for now" coming out of his boyfriend's mouth. Their conversation is cut short by the doctor finally coming in.

After the end of the doctor's appointment, he is told to give Jeonghan space for him to remember. 

But just how much space is enough space for the man...

He sucks it up as he closes the door after Jeonghan leaves the room.

"You can stop coming with me to my doctor appointments," says Jeonghan. "I know that for you, we're-" he pauses for a second and grimaces, "dating" and Seungcheol's heart swells painfully at that. "But I don't know you, which you don't seem to understand." 

He's exasperated.

"If only you can try-" the older tries to make sense, because he knows where this is going, but the long haired blond man doesn't hear any of it.

"Try what? Falling for you? Seungcheol please." It feels like he's mocking the possibility of him having feelings for the other.

It takes no more than a second before Seungcheol gives one more try.

"You liked me when I was just a stranger, you'll like me again."

"I can't because i already like someone else." The revelation was to be expected, he knows exactly who he is talking about. The fact that he expected it doesn’t mean it’ll hurt any less. 

It's his cue, he knows it.

When Jeonghan looks at the pained look on Cheol's face, he lets out a breath, messing with his own hair. He cups the black haired man's face gently and speaks softly to him, something he used to do a lot in the past.

Seungcheol braces himself.

"You're a nice guy Seungcheol, you really are, even too nice for your own good sometimes. We probably had a great time together, but that's it." He continues despite seeing the tears in the other's eyes, threatening to fall at any given moment. "You and I can't work out, maybe in the next life, not this one. Okay?" He asks with his persuasive voice. 

Seungcheol knows he's done for.

"Okay?" He repeats, waiting for a confirmation. Seungcheol nods slowly as his tears fall. "Don't cry, hmm. Now let's go." He says as he takes his hands out of his face, putting them in his pockets, whispering a "Mission clear" to himself.

_Cruel_ , that's what he is at the moment. Seungcheol has to now ride with him and drop him at Jisoo's as if nothing happened, as if he didn't just break his heart to million pieces.

It takes him a minute to recover, wipe his face and walk to his car, where Jeonghan is already sitting, looking bored.

Seungcheol, the man was always the brightest one in their group of friends, always smiling, almost never getting angry, but mostly, he was the one who knew how to hide his feelings best yet Jeonghan could see through him. Somehow, he always knew. But is Jeonghan still able to see through him, feel his pain? Probably not, he’s a changed man now, not even sparing him a glance in what’s supposed to be their last moment together.

Was it even a proper break up? Seungcheol shakes his head, he needs to focus on the road.

The ride was silent, only the radio and Jeonghan's phone notifications making sound.

Once they arrive, Jisoo is already waiting, and Jeonghan jumps from the car to his arms, smiling widely. The other smiling back at him, asking how the appointment went.

Seungcheol knew he couldn't hate him. Jisoo was genuine, he cared and was actually nice. Maybe it's what drew Jeonghan closer to him than Seungcheol. 

He sighs.

"Seungcheol, park the car and come with us. I'll show you the house. " He probably even thought of him as a friend.

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. 

Instead of answering him, the older looks at Jeonghan. "I'll pack everything in 3 days. Anything I should leave to you?"

"Just my clothes."

He nods. Jisoo wondering what's going on, having no idea about the conversation.

"So... Seungcheol." He reminds him, his usual smile on his face.

"Maybe another time. I have to see the kid." Both look at him. 

_Shit_. 

They don’t know, they shouldn’t know.

"Kid?"

"Kids," he awkwardly laughs. "The others, they're younger than us, so they're kids." 

"Let's not hold him anymore. Bye Seungcheol!" Says an overhyped Jeonghan, showing way too much that he wants to get rid of him and that hurts. "Hey, don't be harsh on him." Says Jisoo as he's being pulled away, yet waves to Seungcheol.

  
  
  


And that’s how Seungcheol makes a new decision in life, he’ll step back.

  
  
  


3 days go by fast. Already packing everything, taking everything to his -yes only his- new house now, leaving only Jeonghan's clothes, some comics he used to read and one picture of them in a park.

When Jeonghan opens the door, he doesn't expect to see an empty apartment with only his boxes, he doesn’t know what he really expected but it wasn’t this. He sees the picture and is torn between taking it or leaving it.

He takes it anyway.

Seungcheol doesn't tell anyone about this new arrangement, instead, he goes to the orphanage and signs the last papers about the adoption, getting ready to be a single parent. He knows it’s a huge change in his life, being a parent will be hard but he also knows that he won’t regret it. 

Chan is a great child, he’ll understand and Seungcheol will make it his mission to get him comfortable although he’ll be alone.

That night, Chan goes home for the first time.

When the newly made parent opens the door, his heart is beating fast, he now has to live for his son.

Chan takes a look around the apartment, he smiles to himself, he can finally say he's got family, even though his most important person forgot about him.

"So we'll live here?"

Seungcheol nods.

"Just the two of us?" And Seungcheol panics. He totally missed that point.

"I'm sorry, I know you want Han but... he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore since he forgot all about me and- oh God! I didn't even ask you if you were still okay with just me, I just assumed-" he was beating himself and Chan didn't like that.

The child cut his rambling with a hug. "I was just wondering. I'm fine with just the two of us." He smiles.

  
  
  


And the following days go by just fine, just like him and Chan were meant to be, slowly adjusting to the change of pace.

Seungcheol and Chan do their best trying to decorate the house, Jihoon helps. Jun too sometimes, when he is free.

It takes few days but it's finally complete. And the result looks better than expected. Chan is way too happy with his room. Seungcheol is happy making Chan happy. They don't put too many pictures around, mostly because most of them have Jeonghan. 

Chan takes the hint, Jeonghan is probably never coming back. But he is determined to not let his new dad get sad, he'll do his best. So he asks to get many new frames, getting Seungcheol confused after he just put all their pictures in different albums. "For the sake of the new memories we'll put around the house" he simply answers.

Seungcheol smiles.  
  
  
  
  
Jeonghan goes back to work, as hard as it seems, but he tries his best to do what he should. To his surprise, he finds not only Seungcheol working there, but also Jihoon and Jun.

And to his delight... his office is right next to Jihoon's.

_Oh joy!_

Jeonghan tries his best to ignore all of their friends, making sure to only talk to Jihoon about work if necessary. The shorter one kept it professional too.

He and Seungcheol met a few times in the corridor or before the black haired man makes it to his own office, small greetings shared, nothing more, but Seungcheol's eyes give his sadness away easily.

Jisoo is still pushing the matter, talking about how fine and nice Seungcheol is, that he doesn't deserve this treatment and how if they worked for seven long years, it's for a reason. 

Jeonghan is about to run away from him.

"No, no. Hear me out first." Jisoo says to a fuming, fast walking Jeonghan, and the later wonders how did he even manage to visit him at work. Things are going south. "Come on, Jeonghan." He tries again and Jeonghan furiously turns to him.

"You can't ask me to like him back, Jisoo. I don't even know him."

"I'm not!" Jeonghan doesn't look convinced by his answer. "But hear me out." Jisoo sighs. " Let's say you're dating someone, for so long, they're part of your life. And one day they wake up and don't remember you."

"Can't imagine because I don't know the feeling."

"He tried so hard to please you, to help you remember. He even gave you the space you wanted. He accepted you moving in with me, which by the way you didn't even tell me you were about to, and played along with your little hide and seek game in the office. He’ll probably take you in a blink if you just give the man a chance, all he did was love you." Jisoo sounds tired of his friend's bullshit. 

Where else would Jeonghan find such a person? Jisoo would love to find someone like that.

"Who even told him I want to remember? I'm happy with my life right now. And I didn't ask him to love me."

"Now you're just being a piece of shit." A voice says from behind Jeonghan. Jihoon and Seungcheol both stand there, making the empty corridor no longer empty.

"Oh well, isn't it the voice of reason? Welcome Jihoon, the fuck you want?" He says with a fake smile, being done with keeping it civil with the shorter.

"I want you to be a decent human being but apparently that faded away with your memories." 

Everyone feels the built up anger in Jeonghan, the way he is just about to fight and Seungcheol tries to step in and calm the two of them next to an hyperventilating Jisoo. 

"Guys-" but Jeonghan switches to him, he looks angry and snaps at the older as if it was his fault. 

"No, you don't get to talk. This is all because of you." 

_Is it?_

Seungcheol has been accepting everything Jeonghan wanted, why was he still blaming him?

"I'm sorry," mouths Jisoo to the older of them. The next thing they know, Jeonghan sees black.

  
  
  


It takes a few hours before he wakes up in the hospital, nothing serious but he was starving and overworking himself, as trying to go back to his old rhythm was hard.

The first person he sees when he opens his eyes is Seungcheol, but before he gets the chance to open his mouth, the older moves forward.

"Jeonghan."

_Since we're here already, I'll let it out._

"It's not easy letting go your seven years of love away, you know. I've had hopes you'd try at least, to get to know me, but you've been so against it." He breathes. "You and I have been through so much together.”

He remembers their days in university. How meeting Jeonghan wasn't really planned, there was no such thing as love at first sight. But they grew close to each other in a way, the younger wasn't easy to pursue even though they dated after knowing each other for only 3 months, moved together after 5. 

They moved fast, but it made sense to them, Seungcheol was fine with being the one chasing after Jeonghan, his change of moods, how angry he'd get, over the first year. Jihoon was with him through it all, being his childhood best friend. Then came the others, Jun, Minghao and Mingyu. 

But then, it changed, as if Jeonghan warmed up to him, he was loving, no longer controlling, no longer scared of the future...the next six years were heaven. Their group of friends was always there with them. They both managed to work in the same place, Jeonghan volunteered at the orphanage, fell for the small cute child, Chan, who was very timid at that time.

Seungcheol was never into kids, they didn't even cross his mind, but Jeonghan was already thinking about them getting married and Chan in the picture. 

The kid warmed up to Jeonghan, and over the years to Seungcheol who was dragged forcefully like a drenched cat to meet him, many, many times, and eventually even he started to like the kid. They promised they'd do their best to have him with them, worked their asses off to make money, and the second they had enough, the accident happened.

He chuckles.

"I'm letting you go, setting you free," he says. "You deserve better than being trapped in a relationship just because I remember" he leans down, kisses his head and whispers, "I hope he likes you back".

Something breaks in Seungcheol's heart, and Jeonghan feels guilty although he waited for this moment for months. He doesn't know why nor what, but something moves in him that makes him have the chills, he knew Seungcheol loved him genuinely but he can't justify his reactions ever since he saw the man.

Letting go has never been easy.

Seungcheol smiles one last time, it's a bittersweet smile, and both know he just smiles for the sake of it, because he is too nice, because he doesn’t want anyone to feel hurt or be disappointed. Then he turns around and leaves the room just as their friends were about to enter. Jun is the first to step in the room, he looks at Jeonghan.

"How are you feeling?" He slowly asks, but the older is still dumbfounded, thinking about what just happened, swallowing hard.

Jihoon, still in the middle of processing why would his best friend leave the room in a hurry, looks at Jeonghan then speaks with his accusing tone "What have you done?"

"I-"

"Shit! Seungcheol!" Jihoon finally understands, his friend gave up, he gave up on his love for Jeonghan, the many years spent together, the future they were planning on having.

Seungcheol gave up. And Jihoon doesn’t know what’ll happen next. 

As soon as the short young man makes it to the parking lot, he sees Seungcheol's car already driving away.

He is worried about his older friend, for years his life revolved around Jeonghan and Jeonghan only, suddenly he gives it all up. It was a hard change to deal with and accept. He can only imagine how his friend is feeling.

  
  
  


Seungcheol explains to his friends what’s going on on the phone, but he knows he can’t miss confrontation with Jihoon.

“You gave up!” He shouts in an accusatory tone.

“I did.” Seungcheol answers, he is too tired for everything.

“You’re not one to-”

“He rejected me!” He screams, letting his emotions out, raw, for the first time in so long. “He loves someone else and doesn’t want to remember. What do you want me to do?” And Jihoon finds himself with no options but hugging his friend.

“Cheol, are you okay?”

“I’m sad, that’s what I am,” he breaths. “I’m sad, disappointed, heartbroken and I can’t do shit about it.” He says between hiccups. “I miss my mom and I want to go back home.”

He takes Chan with him when he visits his parents. They know about the mess, Seungcheol makes sure to update them about everything, and the only support he can get besides his small circle of friends, is from his parents.

His mother opens her arms wide for him as soon as Chan runs to his grandfather to hug him and tell him all kinds of stories. 

“That boy will be the death of you.” She doesn’t give a name but they both know who she is talking about.

“He can’t. I have a child now, can’t leave him behind.” he answers smiling, tears filling his eyes.

The few days he spends there are full of food and joy for his child but it’s a start of acceptance and healing for him. 

When he goes back to work, everything is in place.

  
  


Sitting next to Jeonghan seems to be a great challenge for Jihoon. One moment he is concentrated, the other he almost screams because Jeonghan is breathing next to him.

"You were supposed to adopt the child," the short man explodes. 

It was time he knows.

"Jihoon!" Jun's voice echoed, he couldn't believe how easy the words rolled out of his friend's mouth, knowing it was a hard subject to bring for all of them.

"What?" Jeonghan was in great shock.

"He needs to know jun."

"It's not your place to tell him." _But someone has to say it._

"Tell me..." Jeonghan is scared. Was he supposed to have a child? What _was_ going on?

And Jihoon does both of them a favor and says it. Explaining to Jeonghan that he and Seungcheol were going to adopt 8 years old Chan. But Jeonghan forgot. 

He says it all, explaining it roughly because why sugarcoat it? Jeonghan should know even if he wants nothing to do with his best friend.

Later that day, he asks their HR team for Seungcheol's new address, they give it to him, thinking the two are still together despite everything.

He visits them in their apartment the next day.

"Jeonghan?" The child opens the door, shocked to see who is standing there.

Seungcheol sighs, it's a necessary evil he can't escape, so he lets Chan and Jeonghan have a moment together, trying to not intervene especially as he knows how much Chan cherishes and loves the other.

"I'm sorry." Jeonghan says.

"You don't have to be. You forgot." Chan smiles and it reminds him of Seungcheol although they're not blood related.

"But I promised," Jihoon told him how he promised to take him in, explained the whole situation and how they had to tell Chan the truth, that they wanted Jeonghan to be comfortable with them before such a revelation but he was being a dick.

"You don't remember," he's a kid, it should be affecting him, yet he looks collected, smiling.

"I don't know what to do. Seungcheol is so calm. Adopting an eight years old child is something huge." He complains seriously. Few months ago he’d never imagined this situation, sitting in Seungcheol’s home, the one he didn’t want to go to, talking to a child that was supposed to be his, but isn’t.

Chan laughs as if he heard the funniest joke.

"It's funny." He whispers.

"What is?" He genuinely asks.

"You're panicking. While dad is the one chilling."

_Dad_... did he call him dad too before?

"Yeah... I guess" 

"You were the excited one, you're the reason why he decided to have me. More like you pushed him into it. It was funny seeing you bicker about how to deal with it." He says. "Dad was really panicking. Now you are." Another revelation. How did he persuade Seungcheol to have the child? It means that he was really close to him and seriously wanted him in his life.

"I'm sorry," he doesn't know what else to say, "You're too smart for an eight years old."

"You used to say that a lot."

Silence.

"You don't feel the same. It's like you're a complete other person." Chan looks in his eyes and determines.

"I'm still Jeonghan." He tries to affirm.

"Nah!" 

Jeonghan somehow likes the kid, he didn't play a role in his accident, he didn't ask to be forgotten but neither did Seungcheol, the kid had expectations. He was supposed to be family and Jeonghan hates letting the kid down.

"You don't have to force yourself." The kid expresses, as he sees Jeonghan thinking for a long time.

_What_? 

"To like me, or remember. If you forgot it's probably for the best." He smiles and Jeonghan is dumbfounded. 

_Where did he learn that?_

"Dad says some things are just not meant to be. This must be it." Chan is still smiling but there are tears in his eyes. And Jeonghan really wishes he remembers. He really does. 

Seungcheol doesn’t appear even when Chan is seeing him out.

Chan sees Jeonghan again, except it is with another child at school so he doesn’t approach him, it’ll be useless. He then remembers how he was there for him, just a few months ago. 

He feels sad but doesn't tell Seungcheol, he had enough to deal with alone.

"So your dad left you?" Asks another child next to him. "He seems to like that Hansol kid more than you." The remark adds fuel to the fire but Chan knows better than making a big deal out of it. He was supposed to be smart and strong for his dad.

"Yeah." The other's eyes go wide, probably not expecting this answer.

"Are you okay?"

"No Seungkwan, I'm not."

It takes 3 more minutes for Seungcheol to come pick him up. And he doesn't seem to see 

Jeonghan, which in Chan’s books is a good thing, not seeing Jeonghan means no extra sadness for his dad.

"Hey dad!"

"Chan! Oh hey there." He greets the other short boy.

"Hey uncle!"

Seungkwan then proceeds to look at Seungcheol then back to where Jeonghan was standing a few minutes ago. "I'll explain later," is what Chan says as he sighs.

For the first time since they started living together, Chan doesn’t sing in the car, nor talk about his day, instead he sleeps. 

“Uncle Jihoon says sleeping makes you feel better,” he explains to a puzzled Seungcheol.

  
  
  


Out of nowhere, Jeonghan decides he can at least help with Chan, seeing how the child was probably trying his best on his own, standing in between of a failed relationship. So he goes to Seungcheol.

As soon as he steps into the man’s office, he feels his distress, hearing a small "Shit, I have to get Chan."

"I can bring him home today", he offers when Seungcheol is frustrated with work and would probably end up working overtime. Before the older gets to protest he adds. "Hey it's fine. I like the child."

Seungcheol ends up agreeing, seeing as how there is no harm in letting the two meet, plus it only took a few minutes' drive to Chan’s school, so he tells Jeonghan he'd text him the school's address.

Jeonghan drives to Hansol's school and waits for Seungcheol's text to go to Chan's.

He hugs Hansol when he lifts his head up and sees Chan looking at him with dull eyes from the distance.

"Chan? I-" he is about to walk to him when a hand on his shoulder stops him.

"It's better if you don't. I'll pick him up." Jihoon, Jeonghan doesn't even have to turn to know it's him. He walks up to the child and ruffles his hair.

Chan takes one more look at Jeonghan, gives him a small smile and a nod to Hansol who was waving at him.

Jeonghan keeps looking at the exchange of looks between Jihoon and Chan who sighs before walking hand in hand with the adult to the car.

Seungcheol gets a message from him saying Jihoon beat him up to pick chan. He gets no answer.

That night when Seungcheol goes back home, he sees his son on the couch, he doesn’t exactly look mad but something about the mood is not right, so he decides to speak to him, although he was never good with such things.

"Chan! Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"Jeonghan came to school." The answer is making Seungcheol shift, he didn’t know if Chan wanted to see the other and just sent him there guessing that maybe it’ll do more good than harm.

"Oh... I'm sorry, he asked if he can pick you since I had some papers to deal with and he insisted so I just gave in but I didn't even send him your school's name because Jihoon said he was on the road already and-"

"Not today." He adds. "Few days ago."

"Few days ago?" He waits for the child to continue.

"Yep. He picked up another kid. He is so sweet to him but whenever he sees me he becomes awkward." He laughs dryly. "But it's fine, he doesn't know me."

"Chan..."

"Goodnight dad!"

The child goes to his room and Seungcheol sits by himself in the dark. He doesn’t know if he is doing things right, hell he never knew how to deal with children, but it’ll hurt him to know that Chan is not comfortable with him. 

Having a child didn’t exactly come with a manual.

He can provide everything for Chan, everything but the one person he wants the most.

The next day Jeonghan is standing tall in front of Jihoon’s desk.

"Can you explain?" 

"I just picked up the kid jeonghan." The shorter answers without looking up from his desk.

"There's clearly something going on."

"There's nothing. The kid knows me."

"No shit sherlock, he knows me too."

"But do you know him?" Jihoon turns his chair to face Jeonghan. "You'll just pain the child. He was used to you, but this version of you that's sitting in front of me is someone he doesn't know. I'm not trying to get you away from the child but this is your best option. You said you don't remember the past and don't want to be involved with it. So don't."

He turns back to his laptop just as Seungcheol stands behind them, clears his throat. As much as Jeonghan wants to get closer to Chan, he feels like it is no longer his place to even try, if the child himself felt the difference between the Jeonghan before the accident and the one after… 

Jeonghan doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep at night, thinking about the disappointed sigh Chan let that day before getting in the car.

The next few weeks, Hansol and Chan are both picked at different times, be it on purpose or not, Hansol remarks the difference, but he doesn’t speak about it.

When he tells Jisoo that his friend’s child starts dancing, he doesn’t expect it.

“Really?” he asks as he prepares breakfast. The previous night he went to sleep without seeing his young cousin and was not being updated about what happens in the kid’s life. 

“Yup, his dad signed him for dancing classes and I heard from my friend that he’s good.” he puts the toast that he was munching on down. “His dad is so cool, I've seen him few times. He even offered to drive me back home once when Jeonghan was late.” 

And before Jisoo even asks, Hansol gives him the answer he is looking for. 

“Don’t worry, I declined, he doesn’t know we’re related nor does he know Jeonghan picks me up. I don’t think Chan told him it’s me, so he just sees me as a kid who always waits for his parents few metters close to Chan.” 

And while Jisoo doesn’t know how to feel about the last revelation, he tells Jeonghan about the new information, knowing how much he feels bad about knowing nothing about the kid and Jeonghan is ecstatic about it.

He jumps in the living room, way too happy.

“I knew my child would be talented. And dancing? That's hard even for older people but he’s good at such an age? Talent!” He screams. 

Jisoo knows his neighbors will probably complain about the noise but he can’t for the life of him, tell his friend to tone down his happiness, he just hopes he’d at least be on good terms with Chan the next time he sees him.

  
  
  


Seungcheol minimizes his interactions with Jeonghan, but he can’t stop him from visiting Chan and spending time with him. 

The younger adult slips one day, while talking about how Chan doesn’t like strawberry cakes. “But they were your favorite.” He ends up saying. 

He used to, he also used to eat way too much of it with him, yet strawberry cakes are associated with Jeonghan, so the child tries his best to never bring it to his dad, he just decided he hates them. Except Chan did not tell him any of that.

And that’s how Chan realizes that maybe Jeonghan is remembering.

It doesn’t only happen once, but many times in fact and Chan talks to the only person he can trust about this without breaking his own dad’s heart: Jihoon.

The revelation is heavy to both of them, and they decide to keep it from Seungcheol.

The next time Jeonghan meets Chan, it’s in the office, while Chan is carrying a small box looking for his dad. After having to greet few co-workers of Seungcheol, he goes to Jihoon’s seat and sits there before Jeonghan approaches him.

"I know you're starting to get flashbacks and so does uncle jihoon, but I hope you don't 

remember." He says when the silence between them gets too heavy.

"What?" Out of all the things to get out of the child’s mouth, he did not expect this. "I...don't remember that much. I don't remember _him_."

"It's fine. It's good." Chan gets up and walks to Seungcheol’s office.

Jeonghan isn’t lying, it’s true he gets flashbacks, but the faces are disoriented. He just made a wild guess about the kid being Chan. He remembers visiting places, liking this or that in a restaurant, but not too much details, except for one person by his side. He has a feeling who that might be, but until he can clearly see his face, he will not make any decisions.

But it doesn’t stop him from being shocked by what Chan said. He never once thought that the child would prefer him not remembering over having flashbacks.

It takes a long time, and it is painful, to remember slowly all the vanished years, realizing that he must have been an asshole to everyone who only ever wanted him to get better. The memories do not make him feel better.

Jeonghan wonders if he could just live without them all coming back.

Then, it gets heated for a second between Jeonghan and Jihoon. Jisoo is walking with Seungcheol, he is looking for his friend as he promised him to help with the fourniture change. They’re stepping into the parking lot where the two others were standing before all hell breaks loose. 

"You broke his heart more than a dozen times before you learned how to actually love him. And I'd be damned if i let you do the same again." Jihoon’s voice is loud and clear, making sure the other gets the message. _You will not break my friend’s heart again._ “I need you to break your little ‘need to get close to Chan’ act, because we both know who’ll get hurt by this.”

"Jihoon!" If anyone asked for his opinion, Seungcheol would gladly say he wants out, he does not need any more drama in his life, his life was practically a movie, a sad one and he did not need to add any more fuel.

"But he loved you, my dumbass friend loves you, damn it. He did his best for you. Worked his ass off, tried so hard to please you and you know what? You warmed up to him, because it's Seungcheol and you can't not love him. But you-"

"Stop it jihoon." It comes out as a whisper and he does not hear what’s left of the sentence. He feels Jisoo getting too uncomfortable about the situation, but so is he. He appreciates his best friend standing up for him but he can’t handle it out loud.

"He took in a kid he never wanted at first for you and now he's taking care of him, alone because he can't let go, not of him and probably not of you either. He fucking doesn't even know you're hurting him, fucking blind because he fucking love you."

"I said stop it," he screams. "You think I don't know? You think it didn't hurt when he told me he loves someone else? You think it didn't rip my heart apart when he said he never wanted me? You think it was easy to see him walking away whispering mission clear because he was finally done with me?" He's crying. "I heard it all, the whispers, chuckles, saw all the eye rolls. None of it was easy. I gave up because he doesn't want me, that's why. I'm human too, Jihoon. Damn it" His hand in his hair becomes too dangerous as he feels the need to pull it out. 

He starts to walk away, to his car, before Jisoo is about to follow him, probably to make sure he's fine.

"Please, I know you're a great person. But please, just this time, let me be alone. All of you."

The silence gets heavier.

"Shouldn't you make sure he is fine? Go after him?" Asks Jeonghan slowly, and Jihoon glares at him, because how dare he give them instructions on how to deal with a mad Seungcheol when he is the one who got them in this situation?

"He doesn't want anyone with him now. He deserves space at least." Jun answers, getting closer to them as he heard everything.

"What about work?"

"He'll come on time tomorrow, acting as if nothing ever happened." He chuckles at the shocked jeonghan. "That's seungcheol for you."

  
  
  


And that's exactly what Seungcheol does. He comes to work the next morning greeting everyone as if nothing happened. Jihoon sighs as he gets up and goes to his office, closing the door behind him.

Jeonghan can only look from far.

  
  
  


It’s one of the sunny days when Seungcheol asks his friend to tag along on his outing with his child.

"I'm taking Chan out,” he tells Jihoon. “Can you tag along?”

“Sure” 

Moral support is very much needed in the eldest’s case.

They go ice skating. As if the heavens are standing against Seungcheol, he runs into the only person he wants to get out of his mind, Jeonghan. And to nobody’s surprise, they see him with Jisoo.

One wrong step and Jeonghan falls, on his butt. Seungcheol is the first to run to him, unskilled, yet he reaches him before Jisoo could even blink or think of moving towards his friend.

“You okay?” He asks and Jeonghan gets another flashback. 

It’s him falling and the man crouching down, making sure he’s fine all while smiling at his clumsiness even though he was the better skater, the same scenario repeating exactly what happened at the moment.

And he panics. 

He slaps Seungcheol’s hand who just gets up slowly, face not letting on what he’s feeling. He leaves the ring.

Chan sighs, he too is getting tired of these adults around him. “Dad?” his small voice stopping him.

“I’ll just bring water, okay?” 

Chan nods, because what else is he supposed to do? He knows his dad is hurting but he can’t help, nobody can. He doesn’t get close to Jeonghan, doesn’t look at him nor Jisoo who helps him get up on his feet.

Jihoon holds the child close to him, never letting him go, waiting for Seungcheol who comes back few minutes later, a big smile on his face with water and a bottle of soda in his hands. 

They bicker over how soda isn’t good for children and how spoiled rotten Chan is, Jihoon is once again nagging about the importance of food and Seungcheol is looking like the clueless dad that he is. Chan is laughing at them.

And Jeonghan decides he doesn’t like this sight of them.

“What’s happening?” his best friend asks.

“It’s him, I think he’s the one in my flashbacks.”

“No shit sherlock! Who did you expect it to be? Frankly speaking, i don’t know why you hate him.”

_I don’t_ , he wants to say, but how to prove it? All he’s done was acting up and refusing to cooperate, rejecting him on multiple occasions, until the man actually gave up on the person he loved the most. 

On him.

He sighs. “I don’t know what to do, Jisoo. Chan doesn’t want me to remember.” he says as if it explains everything, “ i really don’t know what to do.”

“Fix your mess.” 

But both Jisoo and Jeonghan know that it’ll not only take a long time to do so, but Jeonghan would also get over his denial. Denying that he used to love Seungcheol, that he was always there for him and that he was losing him, if not has already lost him.

  
  


It gets harder after this memory. Seungcheol’s smile is everywhere, but never sent towards him, he keeps everything professional, trying his best not to let his emotions and feelings stand in the way.

As if it was not enough, Jisoo confesses to him that he actually likes someone, he sounds excited, happy even, and Jeonghan doesn’t know how to deal with it. He was supposed to be in love with Jisoo, but why is he feeling nothing about the confession? 

Jeonghan leaves the apartment a few hours later, thinking, except he doesn’t expect his legs to take him there. 

He is standing at the door when Seungcheol opens it.

“Jeonghan?” He looks at the other’s face and knows something is up. “Come in.”

Seungcheol is supposed to pick Chan, he knows he can make it on time even if he leaves a few minutes late, but he looks at Jeonghan who sits on the couch absentmindedly before suddenly speaking.

“He likes someone.” _Jisoo_. “I didn’t know where else to go.”

“I’m sorry.” He says, because he is a nice person and hates seeing Jeonghan brokenhearted.

He texts one of the boys to pick up Chan and turns to Jeonghan. “Do you want to talk about it?” And if Seungcheol is being truthful, he’d rather not. 

But Jeonghan speaks. “It’s actually weird,” he starts, “I don’t think i’m feeling bad about it, but i’m not feeling good either.” 

And Seungcheol listens seriously.

“He’s the only person I actually know since the accident.” _Ouch_. “Lots of things changed and I don't know how to feel.” He sighs.

Seungcheol still doesn’t utter a word, giving him time to say what’s on his mind, because what else can he do? Throw him out? Jihoon would definitely agree, but he can’t do that, not even in a million years.

“It’s not like i’ve been heartbroken before. I don’t even know how it feels being heart broken.” he furrows his eyebrows.

“You can ask me.” The older finds himself saying, before he can even register it. “I know all about it.” He adds with a smile.

Jeonghan chuckles. It’s not funny.

“How many times have you had your heart broken?” He asks and he knows he’s overstepping his boundaries.

Seungcheol moves his head slowly as if trying to count, but he knows.

“More than once,” he answers. He remembers many things, among them one ex-girlfriend who cheated on him because apparently he cared too much for his studies and too little for her. He giggles, it’s been a while since he remembered any of this.

Jeonghan guesses he is the cause of one of the heartbreaks. He could definitely picture Seungcheol’s kicked puppy face, then decides that no matter how cute he looks, he doesn’t want to see Seungcheol sad.

He gets closer to Cheol, then slowly puts his hand on his face, supporting his weight with his other hand. He caresses the other’s cheek and pouts. “You’ve been through a lot.” 

And it scares Seungcheol who forgets for a second that this Jeonghan is not the one he used to know. He gets saved by the door ringing.

“Chan!” He panics and gets up to open the door.

The child gets in without a word, heading for his room without even seeing Jeonghan sitting comfortably on the couch as if he belongs there. 

An odd feeling.

“How was school?” He asks as he used to, months and months ago. He used to ask this question and many more. Seungcheol used to be jealous of his parenting skills, he didn’t know how to deal with children.

“What are you doing here?” Chan asks, putting his bad in the corner. He looks at his dad, Seungcheol, before they both sit down. He sits in the middle of the two adults, a bit closer to the older one. 

“You’ll see me more.” Jeonghan answers easily, deciding that the child doesn’t need to know more about his supposed problems nor his dad’s heartbreaks.

“Are you okay?” Asks the black haired man, clearly noticing Chan’s mood.

“Yeah.”

“Talk to me?” Seungcheol adds, playing with the child’s hair softly.

But what will he explain? Being insulted, even bullied at school wasn’t new to him, but today, he just couldn’t stand it. _Is it true that both my parents and Jeonghan left me because I'm not worth it?_ he wants to ask, but Jeonghan was there, in their home, acting as if nothing happened, as if the past months of no relationship with Chan didn’t happen.

He was only a kid, who was finally happy to have parents, a family that loves him. He takes a look at Seungcheol who looks like he’ll start crying anytime soon if he doesn’t know what’s wrong with Chan.

Before the hiccups get out, a hand pulls Chan into a tight embrace. 

It’s Jeonghan. And the warmth he missed is suddenly there, and Chan sobs. The oldest doesn’t know where to put his head, but Chan holds onto Jeonghan tight. 

“Shh… It’s fine, i’m here.” He soothes him. “Cheollie is here for you too.” He adds, it’s the perfect picture and the child slowly starts to calm down while Jeonghan orders the elder to get a cup of water for the hiccuping child in his arm. “See? He’d move mountains for you if he could.” he jokes and Chan laughs. “He’s that silly.

Jeonghan stays the night and they don’t talk about Chan’s little episode until he is tucked next to Seungcheol, leaving his room to Jeonghan.

“Are you okay?” As surprising as it seems, it doesn’t come from Seungcheol but from Chan who looked worried for him.

The parent turns around to look at his child. “Yeah baby, why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, Jeonghan is back.” 

_Not for a long time._

“He may remember now.” He adds, and he knows he shouldn’t give his dad hopes but he can’t help it. “Do you think we can go back to how we were?” he finally asks when Seunghcheol doesn’t answer.

“I don’t know, baby.” _But I strongly don’t think so._

Chan drifts to sleep with a tiny bit of hope in his chest, Seungcheol doesn’t sleep that night.

  
  
  


“Will you tell dad that you’re starting to remember?” It’s the question Jeonghan has been running from.

“It’s complicated, I can’t remember per se. I just have some weird flashbacks of some events, but I can't clearly see all the faces.” 

“You know who they belong to, right?” It’s accusative, his tone.

“Chan…” 

“But seeing is believing, I understand.”

Jeonghan is shocked at the sudden change of the mood, so he tried calling his name one more time, maybe they’ll find a middle ground, maybe Chan will understand his point of view, but does Jeonghan even understand himself?

“You’re confusing!” Chan shouts, and it’s the first time Jeonghan hears his voice so high. “One day you’re the Jeonghan we all know, then the one other you act as if we’re out for your life and push us away.”

He knows it’s the truth, that he also hurt the child with his actions. He’s tried to get closer to him but Chan takes a few steps back. 

“No one knows what to do anymore when it comes to you. Everyone is a mess.” He tries to breathe, and he missed the time everything was working so well, when Jeonghan wasn’t a stranger but his actual soon to be parent. “Dad is suffering the most. Can you just... give him an answer? Like will you stay with us or not? Please.”

He feels his own tears at Chan’s plea.

  
  
It doesn’t get better from there. 

Chan is turning down his attempts to visit him or even talk to him, he doesn’t invite him to his dancing performance. He goes as far as asking his dad to not let him spend time with Jeonghan and the adult complies to it. The child seemed to decide that until Jeonghan gave them an actual answer, he was not worth their time.

“I can’t believe your own child has more brain cells than you.” Jun mocks him when he explains the situation to his friends.

“The kid got more balls than you Cheollie.”

“Aren’t you my best friend? Why are you insulting me?” He pouts, looking at Jihoon who just made fun of him.

“I’m team Chan, my friend. Can’t help you.” He adds laughing.

  
  


On the other side, Jeonghan doesn’t get any more flashbacks, instead he starts seeing everything Seungcheol does. Every single detail he puts efforts in, every word he says to their coworkers, he somehow starts to pay attention to it.

And then Seungcheol smiles and Jeonghan’s world is suddenly set on fire.

Jeonghan remembers thinking that Seungcheol was beautiful the second he laid his eyes on him, right after opening them. Seungcheol was the first person he saw yet he immediately decided to not like him, while everything about the other man screamed likeable. But that smile was unforgettable.

Now that he thought about it, he never really saw the older, he looked at him but never stopped a second to appreciate him or understand him, if he did, he’d probably spare himself today’s embarrassment.

He stops what he is doing and studies the black haired man, smiling while leaning on the wall, talking to some coworkers about his child. 

Jun’s curiosity gets the best of him as he asks. “What’s wrong? You’re spacing out.” 

“He’s smiling.” 

“Oh God, please save me.” Jihoon, Jeonghan’s deskmate almost screams, getting up and muttering under his breath. “I’m surrounded by idiots.”

They both witness the short man walking to Seungcheol, taking him by the arm, interrupting whatever conversation he was part of and dragging him inside his office before closing the door.

“Bitch!” Jeonghan finds himself saying with no actual spit in his word. He knew the other did it on purpose but why, can’t he just appreciate beauty?

Jun laughs but drags his chair back to his own desk, not adding anything. 

Jeonghan knows the only one to listen to him would be Jisoo so he messages him.

“Did you know that Seungcheol has a pretty smile?” he sends.

The answer comes almost immediately. “Did you get kidnapped? Is this a serious situation?” 

_What?_

More messages are added with each second passing

“Is this an SOS msg?”

“Should I come pick you up?”

What he doesn’t know is that his dear friend Jisoo messaged his ex-boyfriend asking him to check on him. 

Seungcheol’s usual caring nature doesn’t let him spend one more minute in his office before he rushes to Jeonghan. 

“Are you okay?” 

And Jeonghan finds himself staring before actually answering. “Yes?” He wasn’t so sure actually, everyone around him was acting up weirdly to him complimenting the man’s smile. 

“Are you sure? If you’re not feeling you can go back home.” 

He knew for a fact that Seungcheol cared for him, even after everything he did and said, but he’s never properly looked at Seungcheol. This time he could see the worry in his eyes, and while his rational side was telling him to not worry the other man any more, something inside him tells him he should drag the matter a little bit more.

“Actually,” he starts, eyes looking pitiful at the other and Seungcheol looks ready to set the world on fire if he needs to. “I’m not feeling that good but Jisoo can’t pick me up.”

“Oh!” Seungcheol is weighing his options, can he trust one of his friends to send Jeonghan home? Yes, definitely, but knowing the current circumstances… things would be a bit difficult. He knows for a fact that Jun and Mingyu both have a load of work due for the same day, Minghao has disappeared somewhere else in the building but he hasn’t talked to Jeonghan since he woke up besides the visits where he’d only lean on the wall and see everyone fight.

Jihoon… was an absolute no. He and Jeonghan would kill one the other if they’re put in a closeted space, even less in a car. For the safety of everyone, Seungcheol thinks Jihoon shall not be alone ever again with Jeonghan.

That leaves him with the last option, he was the only one who pretty much finished his work and was about to start working on some new projects that weren’t due for a long period. And he once again sighs, not seeing how Jeonghan almost smiles at him.

“I’ll take you home.” He announces, “You can go to my car, I’ll just grab my jacket and follow you.” 

And Jeonghan does just that, he leaves the desk and goes to the parking lot where he waits for Seungcheol to come over.

He wonders what the hell he is doing but it feels right for some reason. He doesn’t forget to send Jisoo a message telling him to not answer if Seungcheol tries to contact him.

He almost gets an actual headache from thinking too much, then he sees Seungcheol running to him.

“Sorry i’m late.” 

Jeonghan doesn’t answer but gets in the car after Seungcheol. They’re 10 minutes into the drive, only the radio playing, when Jeonghan decides it was time to speak.

“Oh shit!”

“What, what?” Seungcheol asks in panic, eyes still not leaving the road but damn does he look worried. “Is it your head?” 

The slightly younger man feels apologic at the reaction. Seungcheol really cares, how could he brush it off for months. 

“I- don’t have my keys with me.” 

Seungcheol then looks at him.

“I’m sorry, you drove all the way from work and now we have to go back-” He knows he won’t go back, Seungcheol would never take back to their workplace but he didn’t think of any other place they’d go to, especially that he doesn’t want to part with Seungcheol, not now at least.

He cuts Jeonghan’s rambling. “Do you want to see the doctor? I can take you there.”

“No. I just want to rest for a while.”

“Let’s get you something to drink before seeing where to drop you off.” 

Eyes still on the road, Seungcheol wants to suggest his own apartment especially now that Jeonghan doesn’t really have a place to go until Jisoo is available, but doesn’t know if it’s appropriate or not.

Would it be fine to tell your ex who wants nothing to do with you that they can crash in your apartment for a while? He wonders but doesn’t ask. 

They stop at a small cafe, not their usual spot, Seungcheol wouldn’t do that to himself. He got hurt many times already.

They’re sitting in a corner, Seungcheol ordering and paying for both of them and Jeonghan can’t help but feel something missing no matter how warm he feels with the other sitting in front of him.

“Would you mind if I ask few questions?” He blurts out of nowhere, he had no control on his mouth and decided he’d leave it at that. He usually does no good with that control anyways, so it’s as good as thrown out of the window.

“Ask away.” And Seungcheol tells himself he is ready for whatever question Jeonghan is about to ask.

“Why did you stay with me even though I was reluctant the whole time?”

Except this one.

“Seungcheol?” The man sitting in front of him avoids his eyes.

_I don’t know_ , or, _I felt like it_ , would probably sound like the best option in this situation. Seungcheol couldn’t just tell him it was because he loved him the whole time. 

“I thought you’d remember.” Seungcheol takes a big sip of his hot drink and momentarily wishes he could just choke on it and die, then he remembers Chan and slows down his drinking. “I had hopes I could save whatever it is that could be saved.” He supplies truthfully.

“Had it been me-”

“You probably wouldn’t do the same, I know.”

But Jeonghan didn’t think that. “I wanted to say,” he speaks again, “had it been me, I’d be disappointed.”

“Oh, I am.”

And the younger of the two knows, but hearing it outloud makes him shrink into himself. 

“Do you think I can see Chan today?”

This is how Seungcheol finds himself shopping with Jeonghan because he apparently forgot to do grocery shopping, nothing new. He was used to Jeonghan nagging him last minute to buy whatever it is they needed. 

Now that they were standing there with a cart between them, Seungcheol feels the memories creeping back in his head, they never really left, but now they look even more real than before. It almost feels like a deja vu.

They go by a small list that Jihoon previously made for his friend and his child, getting the essentials, until Seungcheol starts getting a variety of snacks and ice cream, and way too many unhealthy things, all for the child.

“It’s probably not my place to say this, but I can’t help but feel my anger rising because what the hell Seungcheol!” 

“What did i do?” And he sounds as confused as he looks, similar to a lost puppy.

“You want to kill the kid, this is horrible. How dare you! This is way too much sugar, don’t tell me you live like this.”

And the nagging doesn’t stop until they reach the apartment, and maybe Seungcheol misses it. 

“Your father right here is planning to kill you. How did you even survive these past months?” Jeonghan sounds undignified as he steps into the house, putting the groceries on the floor.

Chan stops himself from saying that the past months went by just fine but he winces as he counts how many times Jihoon scolded his father about unhealthy food, remembering how Jeonghan used to do that too.

“So you bought healthy food?” The child asks.

“Of course, what else would i do?” He walks around the kitchen as if he owns the place and Seungcheol tries his best not to be affected with this. “There is no way I’m letting my child eat that.”

_My_ child. It was the first time he addressed Chan as his and before he even registers it, the kid wraps his small frame around him.

“Cuddle later, now help me make food and set the table, you’re probably starving.”

Seungcheol can’t help coo at the sight in front of him before he is scolded into helping because “What the hell are you standing there for? If you’re not here to help in the next five seconds then God help me I-”

  
  
  


It’s Chan’s bed time, but both of the adults look sleepless. The younger one suggests a motie, The vow. 

When Seungcheol puts down the food and sees the movie that was chosen, he freezes. They put on the movie silently, then sit down.

He cries all through the movie while Han steals glances all the time. He wasn't a big fan of sad movies but this one, its storyline was too familiar. He cries and cries at the end, especially over the fact that there is a little to no chance for his story to look that way. He sobs yet smiles at the same time.

“You’re smiling.” Remarks Jeonghan.

“Mom said I'm an ugly crier, so I smile instead.” He says through the tears. Jeonghan laughs at how silly it sounds before pulling him in a hug, patting his back and Cheol’s hands shake, not sure if he’s allowed to hold him or if he’ll get mad and just disappear right after.

“It’s fine. You’re safe with me.” But Seungcheol hates how he cries even more after hearing these words. “It’ll be fine, we’ll get through it, huh.”

And as much as he would love to believe him, he can’t. He knows it’s just a phase and soon Jeonghan will go back to Jisoo. He’s breaking his own heart. 

  
  
  


Jeonghan visits a few more times, gets even closer to Chan if it was even possible, and as much as Seungcheol tries to not feel left out, he still does. Even though something in there has shifted a long time ago and it tells him that maybe, just maybe, this is the old Jeonghan, the one he dated before.

They keep seeing each other and it feels like Jeonghan is warming up to them again. He no longer looks like he’d try to kill Jihoon in his sleep, or that the mere sight of Seungcheol brings him headache. He no longer avoids him, in fact, he even makes the first step and approaches him on many occasions.

But Seungcheol doesn’t allow his heart to hope for anything, he refuses to even try.

A bunch of coworkers of the same floor they all work in decide they’d go to this new bar and destress a little bit, it was the weekend after all and they had no work in front of them. They’d deal with what’s left of work on monday anyways.

Jisoo gives Jeonghan some lame excuse, saying he can’t drive him and truth to be said, Jeonghan believes it’s because he wants him to spend more time with the other man.

“Listen, i know i always talk shit about my exs, about how going back to an ex is horrible. But this is another situation, you still have a chance with Seungcheol, he is a great guy, don’t fuck it up.” He once said.

So he messages Seungcheol.

“Drive me to the bar? Jisoo’s busy.”

“Wait for me, when you’re ready.”

“I was born ready.” And he can see Seungcheol rolling his eyes from his office.

“How about you finish work first.” Jihoon groals.

“I’m done for the day actually, see you later Hoon.” He informs him before getting up and going towards the elevator. 

Seungcheol steps in right before it closes.

“Am i a light head?” He asks Seungcheol.

“Yeah the lightest.” He chuckles. Jeonghan would outdrink every person in the galaxy before feeling a bit dizzy. The man had super powers.

Jeonghan smiles at the silliness.

It’s when someone is hitting on Jeonghan at the bar and when Seungcheol looks away although he is standing close, the veins in his arms showing from how hard he is holding his fist, thinking that maybe Jeonghan would give the good looking stranger a chance, that he feels an arm linking with his own.

“Actually, I’m not alone.” He tells the young handsome human, and he means it. He came in just for Seungcheol, and the man was the one driving him there, plus he understands his own feelings now. So there is no way he’d ditch Seungcheol for someone else.

“Do you want to go breath out for while?” Seungcheol asks, worried about the other. He didn't really expect that reaction and wonders if Jeonghan felt so uncomfortable that he had to act like his date.

“How about I leave with my boyfriend?” 

“Jeonghan you’re just-”

“I know what you’re about to say, and no, i’m not leading you on.” He clarifies, eyes looking straight into the other’s. “We were dating, and I was an asshole just because I lost my memories, which by the way I'm recovering them but can’t see a damn face. But, you had no say in it, I just decided everything on my own… So if we can work something out now…”

“Jeonghan!” He cannot believe it, his ears were most definitely failing him, it was the only explanation. But his eyes were bright and Jeonghan couldn't stop himself from smiling widely.

“Damn Jihoon was right.”

_What brings Jihoon to the equation?_ Seungcheol is once again confused.

“I can’t not like you.” 

“I told you so, asshole.” Jihoon clicks glasses with Jeonghan who just laughs.

And Seungcheol blinks once, twice and a third time. “What just happened?” he asks.

“Nothing baby, "I’m just back.” 

**Author's Note:**

> No idea how i finished it so feel free to scream at me :D


End file.
